7 Quick Takes Vol. 13

It’s the Online Dating Edition of 7 Quick Takes! Some background; I started an online-dating account at Catholic Match.com about a month or so ago, and I’ve come to the following conclusions:

1.       First, let me say that Catholic Match has this thing were there’s both a paid account (which let’s actually communicate with the other users) and an unpaid account (which doesn’t). I guess I can understand the thinking behind this (it's exactly the same policy behind porn sites: lure them in with pretty girls and then GRAB ‘EM!). What I can’t understand is why THERE’S NO WAY TO TELL IF A GIVEN PERSON HAS A PAID ACCOUNT OR NOT! Meaning that it’s entirely possible to find what appears to be a great girl and not only not be able to get in touch with her, but to have no way of knowing whether you even can get in touch with her! I hate, hate, HATE that policy!  

2.       A lot of people need to put more thought into their ‘about me’ profiles. I swear, at least three-quarters of them start with some variation of “I love my family and I’m passionate about my faith!” Yeah, I kind of assumed that you’re into your faith, seeing as how you’re on a Catholic dating site and you checked off the “I accept all Church teachings” option. And I’m glad you love your family, but as far as relationships go, that’s…frankly not the first question I would ask. ‘What are you passionate about? How would you describe your personality? What do you want out of life?’ Those would be the questions to deal with upfront, not confirming that, yes, you came to a Catholic dating site because you are indeed Catholic.

3.       And while we’re on the subject, I realize fifty words (usually the above “I’m Catholic and I love my family” line) ending with “message me if you want to know more!” sounds all humble and enticing and stuff, but from my perspective it’s just annoying. The idea of these ‘about me’ things is to give a broad overview so that people can see whether or not you have similar personalities or interests. If I have no idea what you’re into, or what you might like to talk about, I’m probably not going to message you with basic questions like that. There’s enough drama and frustrations in the dating world without having to spend a week of e-mailing/chatting back and forth only to discover that we have nothing in common, which you could have let me know right away by filling out your bloody profile a bit more! Seriously, how hard is it to say “I’m into horses, literature, and my hobby is making pipe-bombs”?  (incidentally, if your hobby is pipe-bombs, that’s an automatic 'message that person!’ for me). Not only does it help me to judge whether I want to get in touch with you, but having a unique, interesting hobby (i.e. pipe-bombs) makes you all the more attractive. Don’t be shy! Fill out everything you can!

4.       Girls, don’t let your profile pic sell you short. I’ve seen tons and tons of dark, fuzzy, red-eyed, and just-plain-bad profile photos. The thing is, about half the time if I do click on their profile, I find a half-a-dozen other, much better pictures. Why wouldn’t you use one of the ones that actually make you look pretty, instead of the one that makes you look like it was taken when you had been up for forty-eight hours straight and/or had been recently possessed?

Two more things: one, make sure that at lest one photo on your profile actually shows your undistorted face (framed in shadows or a hundred feet from the camera doesn't count). I'm not going to be asking that bridge you're posing on for a date; I want to see what you look like. Two, for goodness sakes, smile! Do you really think you’ll attract a guy to check out your profile by glaring sullenly into the camera? “Wow, she looks like she hasn’t laughed since the Clinton administration: be still my heart!” 

5.       On a related note, some advice for guys interested in trying this sort of thing: don’t necessarily judge how attractive the girl is just by her profile pic. Sometimes it gives you a good idea of her appearance, sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve had the following happen a number of times when I go to view a profile: *search page* “okay, she’s not bad looking…” *click* “AI CHIHUAHUA!”

6.       If you think it might be less frustrating than normal dating (as I foolishly did), you’re in for a very rude awakening. Here are some typical interactions:

Me: “Hey, I like your profile; I’m into that sort of thing too! Want to talk sometime?”

Her: *No response*

Me: “Wow, you’re really pretty and funny! Let me know if you want to chat or email!”

Her: *No response*

Me: “Judging from your profile, you’re exactly what I’ve been hoping to find! I think you’re fascinating, gorgeous, and funny and I’d love to try to get to know you better.”

Her: *No response*

Me: “GAAAAAAAHHHH! WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER?!?!”

Her: *No response*

7.       Despite the above, it’s actually easier to keep a hopeful attitude in this sort of thing. As you peruse, you get to thinking “wow, there are a lot of beautiful women out there who share at least some of my interests!” It’s an encouraging thought.