Friday, October 11, 2013

7 Quick Takes Vol. 20: First Aid and Online Dating

1.     Today was our annual first responders training at work, and since I’m a first responder that means I spent most of my day watching a video on First Aid. My main takeaways were A. that if I ever need CPR I really, really hope the person administering it doesn’t take time to put on latex-free gloves or fiddle with a mask to avoid catching some infectious disease from my spittle or vomit while my brain cells die by the thousand due to a lack of oxygen and B. that according to the CDC, the human race should never have made it out of the caves, since apparently any spilling of blood is a biohazard outbreak only just shy of unleashing the T-virus. I know blood-borne diseases are a real thing, but seriously people? In the video they showed us, people were putting up caution tape because a woman got a mild cut on her arm. Meanwhile I’m imagining Ancient Rome, the Middle Ages, or even the 19th century and wondering why they didn’t all end in mass extinctions.  

2.     On that note, the video goes on to talk about how companies are required by law to offer Hep B shots to employees who might get cut on the job, and that if employees refuse, they’re required to offer it again if they do in fact get cut, along with a complete medical exam, preventative shots, and counseling. The last bit made me laugh: “after we’ve filled your head with horror stories about what might happen if you touch blood, we’ll pay to help you through the trauma if that actually happens.” I’m all for companies taking care of their employees, but this struck me as a bit much. I mean, good Lord! At this rate a broken glass in the break room could send a company into Chapter 11!
“Well, we were going to bring on two new guys this month, but Ted had a nosebleed, so hiring’s been suspended another year.”
 “Way to go, Ted.”

3.     I know I promised a piece about my retreat the weekend before last, but I just haven’t gotten around to it. Instead, I’ve spent my time writing posts about online dating that morph half-way through into Friday the 13th jokes. I’ll get to it sometime soon.

4.     Speaking of which, my stabbing hasn’t yielded much fruit yet, though I admit that I haven’t really started in earnest. The girl I was going to take a stab at didn’t come to anything, so now I’m searching for another girl who looks interesting enough to stab at. Stab, stab, stab.
      Just keep stabbing, just keep stabbing la! lalalala! I love to STAB!

       (hm, I hope none of my prospective matches see this).

5.     Thoughts while browsing Catholic Match: “Nice, but lives in California and doesn’t do long distance;” “Seems really insistent on ‘outgoing’ as a quality in a match, so much for that one;” “Her profile pic makes it look like she wants to bite my throat out;” “Perfect! But I already tried her and didn’t get a response;” “…This one’s entire ‘about me’ is a Bible quote. Thanks, that helps a lot;” “…And this one spent half her introduction talking about her dog!” “I already tried this one…but that was a really long time ago and she’s got a ton of common interests, so I’m gonna give it another shot.”

6.     On a happier note, I discovered that some generous soul uploaded a host of classic film serials. I love classic serials! I’ve been enjoying Federal Operator 99 all this week, which was actually a lot better than I was expecting. I mean, I love serials, but they’re often not what you’d call good. This one, though, is one of the better one’s I’ve seen; it has a worthwhile hero, a nicely oily villain, and an atypically gutsy and involved heroine. Usually in these things the girl doesn’t really do much except get kidnapped and imperiled (which I like, don’t get me wrong), but this one actually plays an active role in foiling the bad guys. She even rescues the hero at one point!  

7.     You know, it’s funny; when I’m at work, all I want to do is write. When I’m at home, I have to really force myself to sit down and get to it. Maybe it’s because there’re fewer distractions at work, or maybe I’m just in a ‘work mode.’

 Wherefore art thou, Conversion Diary?

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