On Being Alone

I like to be alone. I love isolation, space, and freedom. I feel chaffed and constrained even in my present apartment, not because it's small (the size doesn't really matter), but because there are a lot of other apartments around it. Even my sister's yurt in Maine woods seems too constrained for my tastes, as there are neighbors fairly nearby on both sides.

Last weekend we moved my brother down to Philadelphia, and I found that I hated being in the city. It felt suffocating to have so many cars and people around. I don't suppose I mind visiting, but I couldn't stand living there. I need space and quiet and isolation; the sense that no one's going to notice, let alone complain about, what I do on my own property. The way I like to put it is that I want to live somewhere where I can go shooting in my backyard and not have anyone call the police (or, you know, get shot).

Right now I'm looking into renting a cabin in the Upper Peninsula to get away for a long weekend. The very thought of being alone, out in the woods fills me with excitement. Of course, it all depends on whether I can find a suitably isolated cabin available for a reasonable price, but I'm hopeful (especially since I'll be going in late September/October, passed the summer season).

My ultimate goal is to be able to work from anywhere, so that I can live in a nice, quiet spot surrounded by nature and nothing but nature. Wide open spaces and my own land and water as far as I can see; that's the life for me.

So now you know what I'll do if I ever get a big advance on a book.

7 Quick Takes Vol.15

1.       So, blogging has fallen off, as you’ve noticed. Partly that’s because I’ve been focusing on other writing, partly because of laziness, and partly because the network at work has a problem where I can’t post anything on blogger from my work computer (I know, I shouldn’t be blogging at work anyway, but it’s just so much easier, and my boss doesn’t care what I do as long as I get my work done).

2.       Regarding writing, I’m a little behind in what I was hoping to accomplish. I still expect Chronicles to be ready for its big reveal next week (yikes!), but I’ll have to buckle down a little more to make sure of it. The last big set-piece I had is done, but I still need to put in some important connecting tissue and do some re-writes on the first chapter. Oh, and I need to find more epigraphs, though fortunately that can wait, since the first few chapters are set in that regard. Long car-rides + laptop = work!

3.       With Chronicles nearing completion, I’ve been considering my next writing project. And I’ve decided. In addition to doing work in the Gods and Monsters universe where Chronicles is set (informally known as the Tomiverse), I’m also working on a very exciting epic fantasy idea. I won’t say too much here, except that the basic plot is structured around the two Books of Samuel, only with…well, you’ll see.

4.       One of the reasons I’m behind on Chronicles is that I came down with one of my seasonal colds this week. They work by hitting me hard for a couple days (Thursday was an absolute nightmare), then lingering until they’re satisfied that any fitness routines or milestones I’ve built up over the past few months have been eliminated. Well, this time I don’t intend to let that happen; come next week, I’m going right back into my exercise routine, whether I cough myself to death or not. Suck it, cold virus!

5.       Managed to get out to Mass for Mary’s Assumption, which served to confirm that my decision not to go to work on Thursday was very much the correct choice, as Mass was spent in a dreamy, stuffed-up, head-ached haze. I’m sure the Blessed Mother will forgive my lack of attentiveness and guzzling cough-drops (not to mention other things that day: it’s hard to stay faithful to pious resolutions when you feel like your sinuses are about to pop out of your skull).

6.       Wallowing in self-pity and so on has also led me to decide to make another attempt at organizing my life and building good habits/routines. Working out some ideas/goals right now, so stay tuned for updates on that score. This blog is supposed to be about that sort of thing, after all.

7.       Ummm…yeah, not much else. The last week has just been a haze of work, Nyquil, Lewis, Minecraft, Chesterton, cough-drops, Order of the Stick, and God-knows what else. SICK! 

See Conversion Diary for more and better posts.

7 Quick Takes Vol. 14

Conversion Diary FTW! 

1.       Well, for those of you who follow my other blog (the one I actually write on), you might have noticed that I’ve been growing more casual and sarcastic (or do I repeat myself?). That’s a feature, not a bug. I’ve decided to embrace my some-what abrasive, introverted personality and just kinda run with it. There are a number of reasons why, most revolving around the fact that trying to hide or subsume it doesn’t actually seem to have helped much in the ol’ socialization department, so why bother?

2.       One of the nice things I’ve been noticing about Online Dating is that it’s kinda forcing me to put myself forward, whether because it’s really hard to get in touch with anyone (I confess; I tried with one girl three times without getting a peep in response. Might have been rude, but I had to consider: possibility of someone I’ll never meet having a low opinion of me that she’ll quickly forget all about versus…well, let’s just say it wasn’t even close), or just because I’ve been hanging out on the forums and having people laugh at my wry comments. A little positive reinforcement goes a long way.

3.       By the way, sometimes I wonder whether I’m being too picky with the dating thing. Then I think; ‘well, what the heck should I be picky about if not this?’ So, yeah, I’m going in with high standards; not so much anything specific (beyond religious/political agreement) as that I’m looking for someone who stands out to me somehow as being particularly unique or smart or quirky. And if she happens to also be a petite brunette with glasses, well so much the better.

4.       So, I’m getting down to the wire with Chronicles of Hendricks. Let me explain how I’m working: I pretty much just write whatever scene I feel like, but there’s a ‘main thrust’ of the story, which means a more-or-less complete block of text starting from the beginning. At the moment, the whole book largely consists of three big chunks; the main thrust, another from slightly later on, and the ending. In other words, it’s actually coalescing into a single, solid whole. Do you remember when the T-1000 got shattered at the end of T2, and then the droplets all came together until it reformed itself? That’s kind of what my writing technique looks like. Right now, it is finally assuming a more or less human form.

5.       Okay, the heck with analogies. The point is that I have set myself a final deadline to have the whole thing done (or at least, in a presentable form) by the 23^rd of August, at which point I will begin posting it in serial form at a private blog that I will set up for the purpose. More information on that as we get closer.

6.       After having deleted Minecraft for the third time (the thing soaks up time like a vacuum cleaner), I decided last weekend to reinstall it, though with strict limitations (honestly, writing and Online Dating are usually more fun anyway, but sometimes you just need to turn off the brain). Mostly it’s because I’ve found that it’s a great way to listen to audio books when you’re not driving; you just turn off the background music and it gives you something to do during the long, long hours of Nicholas Nickelby. It’s surprisingly easy to pay attention to both at the same time, and it makes you feel like you’ve actually done something worthwhile while you were lost underground hunting for diamonds.

7.       On Tuesday of this week I walked to and from work (roughly three miles one way), something I’ve been meaning to do all summer. On the way there I worked out a number of troublesome plotting problems and came up with a lot of great ideas. On the way back I was mostly saying Army cadences to myself (they really do work, by the way). I don’t know whether that was because I was tired after a long day at work or because the route I took back (I took different routes to and from to see which works better) was a lot longer, less direct, and hence tiring. Incidentally, my legs were incredibly stiff and sore all evening after that. Can’t wait to try it again next week!

7 Quick Takes Vol. 13

It’s the Online Dating Edition of 7 Quick Takes! Some background; I started an online-dating account at Catholic Match.com about a month or so ago, and I’ve come to the following conclusions:

1.       First, let me say that Catholic Match has this thing were there’s both a paid account (which let’s actually communicate with the other users) and an unpaid account (which doesn’t). I guess I can understand the thinking behind this (it's exactly the same policy behind porn sites: lure them in with pretty girls and then GRAB ‘EM!). What I can’t understand is why THERE’S NO WAY TO TELL IF A GIVEN PERSON HAS A PAID ACCOUNT OR NOT! Meaning that it’s entirely possible to find what appears to be a great girl and not only not be able to get in touch with her, but to have no way of knowing whether you even can get in touch with her! I hate, hate, HATE that policy!  

2.       A lot of people need to put more thought into their ‘about me’ profiles. I swear, at least three-quarters of them start with some variation of “I love my family and I’m passionate about my faith!” Yeah, I kind of assumed that you’re into your faith, seeing as how you’re on a Catholic dating site and you checked off the “I accept all Church teachings” option. And I’m glad you love your family, but as far as relationships go, that’s…frankly not the first question I would ask. ‘What are you passionate about? How would you describe your personality? What do you want out of life?’ Those would be the questions to deal with upfront, not confirming that, yes, you came to a Catholic dating site because you are indeed Catholic.

3.       And while we’re on the subject, I realize fifty words (usually the above “I’m Catholic and I love my family” line) ending with “message me if you want to know more!” sounds all humble and enticing and stuff, but from my perspective it’s just annoying. The idea of these ‘about me’ things is to give a broad overview so that people can see whether or not you have similar personalities or interests. If I have no idea what you’re into, or what you might like to talk about, I’m probably not going to message you with basic questions like that. There’s enough drama and frustrations in the dating world without having to spend a week of e-mailing/chatting back and forth only to discover that we have nothing in common, which you could have let me know right away by filling out your bloody profile a bit more! Seriously, how hard is it to say “I’m into horses, literature, and my hobby is making pipe-bombs”?  (incidentally, if your hobby is pipe-bombs, that’s an automatic 'message that person!’ for me). Not only does it help me to judge whether I want to get in touch with you, but having a unique, interesting hobby (i.e. pipe-bombs) makes you all the more attractive. Don’t be shy! Fill out everything you can!

4.       Girls, don’t let your profile pic sell you short. I’ve seen tons and tons of dark, fuzzy, red-eyed, and just-plain-bad profile photos. The thing is, about half the time if I do click on their profile, I find a half-a-dozen other, much better pictures. Why wouldn’t you use one of the ones that actually make you look pretty, instead of the one that makes you look like it was taken when you had been up for forty-eight hours straight and/or had been recently possessed?

Two more things: one, make sure that at lest one photo on your profile actually shows your undistorted face (framed in shadows or a hundred feet from the camera doesn't count). I'm not going to be asking that bridge you're posing on for a date; I want to see what you look like. Two, for goodness sakes, smile! Do you really think you’ll attract a guy to check out your profile by glaring sullenly into the camera? “Wow, she looks like she hasn’t laughed since the Clinton administration: be still my heart!” 

5.       On a related note, some advice for guys interested in trying this sort of thing: don’t necessarily judge how attractive the girl is just by her profile pic. Sometimes it gives you a good idea of her appearance, sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve had the following happen a number of times when I go to view a profile: *search page* “okay, she’s not bad looking…” *click* “AI CHIHUAHUA!”

6.       If you think it might be less frustrating than normal dating (as I foolishly did), you’re in for a very rude awakening. Here are some typical interactions:

Me: “Hey, I like your profile; I’m into that sort of thing too! Want to talk sometime?”

Her: *No response*

Me: “Wow, you’re really pretty and funny! Let me know if you want to chat or email!”

Her: *No response*

Me: “Judging from your profile, you’re exactly what I’ve been hoping to find! I think you’re fascinating, gorgeous, and funny and I’d love to try to get to know you better.”

Her: *No response*

Me: “GAAAAAAAHHHH! WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER?!?!”

Her: *No response*

7.       Despite the above, it’s actually easier to keep a hopeful attitude in this sort of thing. As you peruse, you get to thinking “wow, there are a lot of beautiful women out there who share at least some of my interests!” It’s an encouraging thought.

7 Quick Takes Vol. 12

Still hosted by Conversion Diary! 

1.     So, one of my favorite blogs is Monster Hunter Nation, run by a sci-fi/horror author/gun-nut named Larry Correia. See, it’s great because it features nerdy sci-fi/horror/fantasy, Conservative politics, guns, and writing tips. If you threw in Catholic Theology and musical theater it’d be my one-stop internet shop. Anyway, the other day he posted a great article on writing professionally, which basically compressed everything I’ve been trying to get through my head over the past week into one handy 4000+ word article. Highly recommended!

2.     My mind has been full of controversial topics lately. I’ve been holding off publishing them because I want to make sure I get them right and decide how conciliatory vs. blunt I want to be.

3.     Combining the last two items, I really need to blog more. So, I’m declaring here that I will blog something – even if it’s just a video or meme – every day this coming week. So, keep an eye on my other two blogs!

4.     Does anyone know about Macbooks? Because mine keeps giving me trouble; it runs sluggishly a lot of the time, especially when I start programs up, but even at just odd times. It’s a fairly new machine, and I’m not over-taxing the memory at all (there’s over half of it left), nor can I find any background programs causing problems. So what gives?

5.     Had a very nice dinner earlier this week with a friend of mine. We tend to discuss theology a lot, since he’s a Protestant and I’m Catholic, and we got into it fairly good this time (though we spent so long on other topics we didn’t get too far) I don’t think I did a very good job of defending Marian devotion (I’m still something of an amateur on the subject), but I do think I managed to explain the big problem with Sola Scriptura well enough. In any case, a good time was had by all.

6.     So, I’m kind of excited because I found an AR-15 model for just under eight-hundred. Very no-frills (not even sights!) so I’m not so sure about it, but it is encouraging to know that it can be had for under a thousand. I figured twelve-hundred was the bare minimum price. That doesn’t mean I’ll get it; for one thing, I need to save up a lot more before I even consider making a big purchase, for another even then I’m leaning away from the gun to something a little more immediately practical. In any case, when I do get my AR, it’ll probably be a little higher end. Nothing too fancy (since I am a beginner), but at least one that includes iron sights and a dust-cover. I mean, we must behave like civilized people!

7.     In addition to Witness, I’ve also picked up The Last Lion again (the epic biography of Winston Churchill). Might have been a mistake, since I’m being sucked into the life of Churchill and leaving poor Mr. Chambers just as he was about to tell of his tragic upbringing. Of course, Churchill had it rough too. It’s really hard to find a historical figure without a tragic childhood, isn’t it? Oh, I suppose Roosevelt counts, since his big tragedies didn’t happen until his adult years.

Well, that one went kind of off topic, didn’t it?

7 Quick Takes Vol. 11

Still hosted by Conversion Diary

1.     I haven’t been blogging for a while. That’s partly intentional, partly just because I haven’t had the interest or energy for it lately. But, while visiting my sister in Maine she was very insistent that I take it up again, so here we are.

2.     Regardless, I’m putting a hold to Famous Catholics and other series, just because I’m a little tired of them and I want to flesh out the blog a little bit more.

3.     My current task in life is learning to accept drudgery. I don’t mean useless drudgery (but I have to accept that sometimes as well), but the small, persistent effort required to acquire new skills and knowledge. See, I’ve usually been the type of person who tries to snatch at things all at once in one great effort, and since that usually fails, I get discouraged fairly easily. I’ve known for a long time that this is a bad idea, but now I’m working on reforming my attitude into a healthier, steadier method of attack. It’s too soon to tell how successful I’m being, but I’ll keep you informed.

4.     Speaking of Maine, we were up there for my niece’s second birthday. She’s cute beyond words and extraordinarily independent. “No, I’ll do it!” was her typical response to offers of help, whether for opening coolers, walking uphill, playing on the swings, or pretty much anything that she put her mind to doing.

5.     It took me over a year to do it (mostly because I was reading in fits and starts), but I finally finished Luigi Giussani’s great theological trilogy: The Religious Sense, On the Origin of the Christian Claim, and Why the Church. It’s an incredibly dense, complete explanation of the Catholic faith which sets things out in a frank, sensible, and fairly easy-to-follow way. If I had to summarize his main point, it would be the importance of focusing on the essential questions involved in such matters and trying to understand and answer them rather than more superficial, secondary questions. An essential question would be, say, “what is unique about the Christian claim,” and a non-essential question would be “how does Genesis square with Darwin?” Of course, he says it a lot better than I do. Giussani has had a huge influence on my own philosophical and religious views, so he’s highly recommended.

6.     With Giussani finished, I’m now tackling Whittaker Chambers’s Witness about his experience in and break from the Communist Party. I started reading it while I was in college, abandoned it when I left, and have made one or two aborted attempts to resume in the meantime. Now I’m pretty well set on reading the whole monstrous thing (seriously; it’s huge). Chambers is an excellent writer, and his real-life account is as riveting and moving as any spy novel, and considerably more depressing. He makes no bones about his predictions for the future, and none of them are very cheerful.

7.     In weighing my next big purchase, I’m not sure whether it should be A). an ‘assault-rifle’ (Not sure whether I want an AR-15 or a Kalashnikov; the former has more American spirit, but the latter is insanely durable) B). a desktop computer so I can start learning 3D art and animation or C). a pickup truck to replace my aging Ford Focus and further my plans to live out of a camper for a while. In the meantime I’m enjoying the fact that I’m the kind of person for whom those are the options.

7 Quick Takes Vol. 10

1.       Tomorrow early, I’m leaving on a vacation. I’m heading down to Johnstown, and then to New Jersey to visit a college friend I haven’t seen in years.  I’m also taking Monday and Tuesday off work, so I might stop by Gettysburg or something on my way back. We’ll see. I mostly just felt the need to get away for a while.

2.       Reading wise, I just finished The Autobiography of G.K. Chesterton (delightful and highly recommended to Chesterton fans and non-fans alike) and started The Road to Serfdom by F.A. Hayek. Shortly after beginning the latter, I remembered that I never finished Why the Church? By Luigi Giussanni, so now I’m reading both a very dense work of theology and a very dense work of political science. But I’m enjoying both of them, so it’s all good. Now I just need to decide which one is coming with me on my aimless wanderings. I’m thinking Road to Serfdom, because it’s a real page-turner. Not that Giussanni isn’t, but Hayek is more so.

3.       I was also excited that I was even more ahead of schedule for this week’s Famous Catholic Friday post (Confederate General James Longstreet). I pretty much finished it yesterday and only did a few minor revisions this morning. Go me! The Catholic Nerd is starting to come back to life a little after a long period of very little activity; I’ve got some juicy posts waiting in the wings for when I get back from my trip.  

4.       So I’ve been working on improving my diet, and I think I may have seen the effect when I went for my run yesterday. A goodly distance, then a long walk through the suburbs (which I was deflected into by one of those annoying cars trying to turn into the last street I had planned to cross just as I was about to cross it, good Lord I hate when that happens!), which had me wandering sort-of-kind-of in the general direction of home, before I found myself in familiar territory and started running again, despite my legs being number, running all the way home! In short, I did a better and more strenuous work out than I have in a long time. Oh, and I did it all on an empty stomach.

5.       That last bit was related to the fact that it was a very annoying day at work yesterday, including having to wait around for the computer tech to come “sometime between noon and four” (it ended up being about three, after I had missed lunch). Most of my frustrations (including that one) were related to the fact that we just transformed an old lab/conference room into a new office suite for the guys in a department that probably won’t even be in this building much longer! I swear, I never know what people are thinking.

6.       On the writing front, Hendricks is reaching the point where I realize I’m going to have to go back and shore up some of the sagging bits. But there’ll be time for that later; for right now I just introduced a few of my all-time favorite characters and am loving finally getting to work with them. One of them (just as an example) is a very mad scientist whom I envision being played by Vincent Price and who pronounces “science” with a capital ‘S’ (don’t ask me how; it’s just the way he says it). So, things are good on that front.  

7.       Regarding the above, I often find it helps while writing to envision certain people ‘playing’ my characters. For one thing I’m a massive film geek, so mentally casting Donald Pleasance, Vincent Price, Rondo Hatton, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and John Rhys-Davis in the same story helps me to get excited about the book (for those who will be reading it, keep this list handy and try to pick out who’s who). For another, I find it helps me keep characters consistent to give them a specific voice and appearance that I’m already familiar with. Just a free little writing tip.