Disappointing Halloween

There are a number of families in my apartment complex, so I naturally assumed there woudl be trick-or-treaters.

I was fairly excited about it; I boought a bunch of large candy bars to overflow my largest bowl, then I went out and bought a few more just to be safe. I bought a pumpkin, threw together a quick 'Death' costume, and even came up with a few macabre jokes to play on the kids ("Your fate involves eating too much candy"). Switched on the light, settled in, and waited.

Turns out I may have overestimated the number of children in my apartment complex.

No trick-or-treaters: not one. I was disappointed, even a little sad. I had been looking forward to handing out candy to the cute little ghoulies and ghosties and pop-culture beasties. Now I'm stuck with a large bowl of candy-bars that I have to finish myself.

At least I got some writing done. And my costume was pretty cool for all it's simplicity.

Day 6: Manhood

     Day Six: Describe your image of the ideal man (Jesus excepted).

       This was a complex question that required a good deal of thought and reflection. Here’s what I have come up with.

            The chief duty of a man is to provide and protect. In the most basic family unit the mother bears and raises the child while the man provides food, shelter, and defense for her while she does so. Therefore the key virtue of man could be said to be strength; strength channeled through devotion. I believe that every quality a man can posses will ultimately boil down to this formula: strength channeled through devotion.

            The ideal man, therefore, will have a very specific purpose to his life, one which will direct his energies in a particular direction. In addition, he’ll have or seek to develop the ability to fulfill his purpose.

            Now, the purpose that drives the man’s devotion must be a worthwhile one; if it is too limited or insignificant it won’t allow him to develop his strength and he will atrophy. If it is impractical or utterly unattainable he won’t be able to properly pursue it (since you can’t use an illusion to guide yourself). If it’s an unworthy or morally deficient goal, it will warp his strength or turn it into ruthlessness and cruelty (the image I have is of a cannon; if it’s pointed at the correct target, it’s effective. If it’s mishandled, it’s just destructive).

            So the ideal man will devote himself to a worthwhile purpose, which will nurture his strength and cause it to increase, bringing him closer and closer to achieving his purpose.

            That’s in the abstract. Dialing down a bit closer to earth, the ideal man would look something like this:

            He is a professional; whatever his particular occupation is, he is an expert at it. In the face of opposition he holds his ground firmly, yet calmly; he accepts no insult, nor does he insult anyone. He is supremely sure of who he is and what he believes and is comfortable with himself. If he has a family, they are his first priority. He never lies, he never cheats, he never compromises his principles.

            If you met him, you would find him a pleasant, engaging acquaintance. He would strike you as someone who is at peace with himself and who knows his place in life. There would be no bitterness about him, whatever his current situation. If things were going badly for him, he probably wouldn’t mention it, or if he did it would be in an off-the-cuff, disinterested manner. If things were going well, he might tell you how grateful he was. He might be talkative and friendly, or he might be taciturn and reserved, but he would always be polite and never give offense.

            You would come away with the impression that this was someone you could depend on; someone who seems to have figured out something you haven’t. You would certainly consider him a friend worth having, and you would pity the man that made him an enemy. For you would sense that, however polite and friendly the man might be, here was someone who could never be bullied or intimidated into submission. Here were great reserves of strength that could be directed on any obstacle with devastating force, and woe to the one who tried to be an obstacle to this man’s purpose.

            There’s a quality about the ideal man that is hard to capture in words: a sense of solidity, the slightly intimidating impression that this is someone you could never move or manipulate. At the same time, though, you enjoy spending time with him because of his engagingly good nature. The ideal man inspires not only liking, but respect in those who meet him. It’s a similar effect to when we encounter, say, a waterfall, or a thunderstorm, or a beautiful piece of music. It’s the sense that here is something that is closer than most things to how it ought to be: a clearer-than-usual image of God.

Random Updates

After months of no reviews, I went ahead and posted five in a row at 'Catholicity of Taste.' They were old ones from last year's 'Halloween Movies' project, which I'm attempting to repeat this year. The only trouble is that I've been sick for the past few days and whether it's from that or the medicine I'm taking (sweet nyquil! No one understands me like you do...) my mind feels sluggish and uncreative and my writing is coming out lame and rambling. Hopefully I'll have this year's first Halloween film posted around the middle of this week so that the second one will go up over the weekend (what are my picks this year? Wait and see...).

I also feel bad about not posting Day 6 sooner. The problem with that one is that it required a good deal of thought and my thoughts kept getting interrupted. Let's comit to posting it sometime this week.

I discovered that I like canned chicken-noodle soup last weekend. Or at least, I like it until it runs out of chicken and all that's left are soggy noodles (which takes a disturbingly short amount of time). As a bonus, I finally have some cans to collect my bacon grease (yes, I'm fairly excited about that). I'm also a little disturbed that I now can track the phases of my bi-annual illnesses fairly closely now.

Unplugging

I'm making a conscious effort to slow down and limit my time on the computer. Right now it eats up way too much of my time and there are far too many half-finished projects lying around, waiting for me to return to them. For instance, I'm finally trying to finish Ronald Reagan's autobiography, which I started...wow, I think even before I moved into my apartment! (about five-hundred-plus pages in: lot's of talk about relations with the Soviet Union).

I'm returning to guitar after yet another week-plus hiatus, and once my new (used-good condition) Italian phrasebook comes in, I'll be able to step up my sadly neglected language studies. I'm rediscovering my love for books, which has been rather forgotten in my love for sitting at the computer pretending to write while I actually read political and fitness blogs.

Another thing I'm doing is trying to make time for silent meditation and prayer. In particular, I like to sit/kneel silently in front of my crucifx for five minutes or so, taking it in and letting my thoughts dwell on the inconceivable sacrifice of Christ. It's a good way to fortify myself for the day and clear my head for the night.

Day 5: Pets

Day Five: "Why might you want a pet? What kind of pet would best suit your personality and lifestyle? Why?"

First of all, sorry for the extremely long delay between Day 3 and...er, Day 5. I was hung up on Day 4 ("What is your favorite William Carlos Williams poem from your Christmas present last year?"), partially because I needed to review some of the poems, partially because, honestly, WCM isn't really my favorite poet. But more on that later.

Perhaps it's because I've always had at least one pet growing up, but they've always jsut seemed a part of life. The few petless periods have generally been understood as transitory stages; getting over the loss of a previous pet or getting settled in before acquiring a new one.

I love having pets. I love animals in general, and having one around permanently is even better. Pets are like little extra outlets of love; they're less rewarding than people, but they're also easier. You get to love and delight in them without fearing that they'll take offense or abandon you, and you get the satisfaction of caring for someone.

As for what kind of pet I would like, well I love dogs, but I don't think one would suit my present lifestyle very well since I'm away from home for most of the day. I think at the moment the pet that would best fit my personality and lifestyle would be a snake. I love snakes and I've been considering getting one as a pet for a while now. Probably either a Royal Python or a California King would be about right (I'm leaning towards the python at the moment).

My only concern with getting a snake is the feeding. I don't think I'd mind so much, but I do wonder whether heating frozen mice might render my apartment olfactorily uninviting to guests.

Who's a pretty boy then?

Work Thoughts

Today is my first full day sitting out in the lobby.

See, we've done some re-arranging where I work, and as part of that process my desk got moved out to the lobby. This means that I'm rather isolated from the rest of the building, but also that I get a door, a lot of space, and big windows to look of (it also means that people are less likely to notice if I'm updating my blog at work).

Thoughts:

8:15 AM You know, the constantly-looping TV isn't as annoying as I thought it would be; I can pretty much tune it out whenever I want.

9:30 AM  My boss seems to worry about whether I mind being out here.

10:49 AM Receiving a few calls, dealing with invoices, doodling a few cartoons...feel like a genuine receptionist!

11:30 AM Someone just received a 60-lbs package and he's not at his desk!

11:40 AM Lunch time!

12:40 PM Back from lunch!

1:12 PM Always so tired after lunch: why can't the day end with lunch?

2:16 PM I really like Alfred Edward Housman!

2:40 PM An interesting effect: there's a hallway that runs pretty much the length of the building which begins right outside the frosted-glass door to the lobby. That means I can see someone's shadow on the glass as they walk all the way down the hall. The effect is kind of creepy: like they're just walking and walking, but not going anywhere.

3:08 PM Writing pithy political jokes...

3:48 PM Time to start packing up...

Momento Mori

Every so often, I will remember the fact that every day could be my last and that I need to seize the moment and get busy living.

The trouble with these moments is that there seem to be a lot of things on my "try to do before you die" list. The result tends to be a rather overwhelming set of tasks that I suddenly remember I need to get to work on (write another chapter, no a blog post, no say a Rosary, no try to meet up with a friend, no write another e-mail to *redacted*, no practice Italian, no...).

I tend to over think things, especially 'hypothetical' or theoretical (or whatever '-etical' you would call it) propositions. If someone says "imagine this is your last day on Earth..." it doesn't really motivate me because I think of what I would do if I literally knew this was my last day on Earth, and those things definitely wouldn't include going to work or writing another chapter of a book I'd never finish.

More useful is the simple awareness that there is no gaurantee of tomorrow...or, heck, even another hour. Though, again, this tends to put me into panic mode where I try to think of all the things I want to do and it's like they get stuck trying to get through the door of my mind ("The three-stooges syndrome").

Momento Mori is like the nuclear option of motivation: the tricky part is channelling the energy productively, rather than letting it just spread out in confusion and eventually dissipate.